two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
