His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
