Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
