This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
