Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
