The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
