It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Small penises have feelings too.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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