Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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