My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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