There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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