I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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