so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
