i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
