I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
