I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
