So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
