There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
