I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
