nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
