I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
wow bdsm is so cute
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
