he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
