I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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