wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
