I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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