Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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