At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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