Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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