I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
