frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
