Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
