I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
