I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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