worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
