I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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