sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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