She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
