the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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