I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
