we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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