Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
