I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
