Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
pray to the hookup gods
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
