I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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