Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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