your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
