i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
