I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
