apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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