Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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