walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
